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140+ funny quotes status

looking for some funny quotes 😂 to make your friends laugh? Laughing is the best way to get your day started. here we provide latest funny quotes,funny quotes,latest funny quotes 2019,latest funny quotes in english,best funny quotes,100+ funny quotes,top funny quotes,best ever funny quotes

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Love is sharing your popcorn. – Charles Schultz

Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.

Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass. – English Proverb

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. – Joan Rivers

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx

You’re basically the cutest thing I’ve ever loved, after my kitten.

What’s more adorable than a baby panda snuggling a baby chick? Our love.

If our love were a triangle, it’d be a-cute one!

If you checked with your doctor, I bet he’d say you’ve got a bad case of being loveable.

You’re adorable because I’m able to adore you.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. – Jackie Mason

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. – Phyllis Diller

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck

A kiss without a mustache is like an egg without salt. – Spanish Proverb

He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle. – Ring Lardner

Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else. –  Jean Kerr

Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. – Fran Lebowitz

latest funny quotes for love😂

Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it. – Phyllis Schlafly

Love is telling someone that his zipper is open or her wig looks too fake.

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. – Cindy Garner

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. – Jackie Mason

If love is a blunder, then it means that the biggest fault in my life is loving you.

Will you lend me a kiss? I promise to give it back.

It is not love that makes a relationship complicated; it’s the people in it who do.

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. – Albert Einstein

Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. – Thomas Dewar

Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there. – George Burns

I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it. – Elizabeth Evans

The four most important words in any marriage. I’ll do the dishes.

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – Charles M. Schulz

Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. – Fulton J. Sheen

If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love. – Miles Davis

My mind works great wonder 365 days a year, 7 days a week and 24 hours a day until I met you.

Don’t feel bad if you see your ex with someone else. Remember, our parents taught us to give the things we don’t need to the less fortunate.

During my days, the teenagers talk about movies, music and love. Now, all the kids talk about are sex, relationship and heartbreak.

Love is like a headache or a backache. It does not show in the MRI or X-ray, but you just know that it’s there.

Staying in love for more than 5 years is almost impossible. Staying in love with the same person for you’re the rest of your life is a miracle.

A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.

Love thy neighbor, just watch out for the husband

Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.

I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen.

Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener

Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator.

I had a dream that i still loved you…I think I woke up screaming.

Love is fun but, it is not going to pay the bills.

It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.

I love you so much I’d fight a bear for you. Well not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu… But a care bear, I’d definitely fight a care bear for you.

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears

People should fall in love with their eyes closed.

If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays.

If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards.

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.

Albert Einstein

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After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.

If there’s no love in the world,… let’s make some.

We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.

I slipped on a banana peel and I fell in love with the person who helped me up.

I love my computer because all my friends live inside it!

latest funny quotes 😂 for friend

I love making friends. I usually prefer to make them out of plaster and give them funny looking hats.

I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.

„My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.“

„Never marry a man you wouldn’t want to be porced from.“

„Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.“

„True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.“

„If love is the answer, could you rephrase the questions?“

„Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?“

„Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you,

they should have to find you a temp.“

„If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.“

„If we take matrimony at its lowest, we regard it as a sort of friendship recognized by the police.“

„Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.“

„Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think— in a deeper voice.“

„When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.“

I wore my heart on my sleeve, so you took it; you can keep the heart, but can I have my sleeve back?

Thanks for always seeing that the fullness of my heart far outweighs the fullness of my bra.

If you turn a heart upside-down, it looks like conjoined twin raindrops; that’s how I feel when I’m with you.

Falling in love with you sure beats the other falls I had today!

„An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.“

„Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.“

latest funny quotes 😂 marriage

„Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.“

„Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprise at the large number that re-enlist.“

Thank goodness my heart has four parts, otherwise I don’t know where I’d keep all my love for you!

You have the key to my heart, please don’t make any copies!

My heart skips a beat when I see others in love, but it gallops when I think of you.

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