lws funny quotes status recent

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funny status recent

Farts are like children, I’m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.

Google must be a woman because it knows everything.

We are WTF generation… WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook.

When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I’ll tell you more.

Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbor’s wife, And beer as COLD as your own. 🙂

Some of the fruits I know now, I never knew existed, thanks to shampoo, I know my fruits now.

I bought a soap, named “Riches’’ so I washed my pockets instead.😂

I pretend to be loved, they pretend to love me.

No matter what you are people will still bless you, even if you are a kidnapper, or a crooked politician.

You just have to be patient with me, even the toilet that takes shit, accepts one ass hole at a time.

Behind a happy man, there is an imprudent woman.

They want to know why I am always happy, these voices in my head are awesome.

Looks like I overestimated the use of your brain, you actually use 2% if your brain. Keep improving.

I had a lovely afternoon, but I don’t want to talk about it.

I will ignore you so badly, you will start asking yourself, if you are invisible.😂

Even with constant improvement and civilization, humanity won’t stop hunting one another.

In the shower you can be whoever you want to be, you can be John legend, you can be a pop star.

If people are talking behind your back, the least you can do is fart at them.

The rate of stupidity of my whatsapp friends is at 75 WTF’s per status.

When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…

Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.

We all have that one skinny friend that eats more than fat person.

Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.

funny status recent for fb

God is really creative, I mean…just look at me 😛

AwesoME ends with ME and Ugly starts with U.

You think I am lazy, I am just saving energy.

Wow Gods is really creative, I mean just take a good look at me.😂

Hey there! I just installed whatsapp, but I need data.

My phone has been 60% for hours, it’s when it gets to 2% I start receiving calls and messages, enemies of progress at work.

Why is it, when the phone goes on silent mode, you miss different calls, for damn sake, its been on all day.

Awwwwww! I know they will copy this status too.

80% of guys have brains, but only 20% of guys use it.

You don’t have friends, you don’t have haters, mehn you must be very boring.

I see men laughing at some of the choices their wives made, yeah, I laugh too when I see those men.

Hey there Whatsapp is using me.

I’m not addicted to Whatsapp. I only use it when I have time, lunch time, break time, bedtime, this time, that time, at any time, all the time. 🙂

Here my dad comes on Whatsapp… From now on my status would be ‘***no status***’ or just a smiley…

My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.

Whatsapp, call, text, videos only.

Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.

I love my job only when I’m on vacation.

We live in the era of smartphones and stupid peoples.😂

Facebook account for sale, Friends included.

Google just called… Google said, “Someone is looking for you”.

Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?

funny status recent for whatsapp

The winner of the rat race is still a rat.

I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.

I think my iPhone is not working. I pressed the home button and I’m still at school.

When I was young my parents said I talked a lot, now they are old, I see where my talking originated from.

When I was born, then the competition started.😂

Status: I am not online for you.

Life is very short, can you type faster?

Boys show creativity and skills using Photoshop, girls use it to enhance their beauty.

Attitude is like an underwear, you wear it, not show it.

People who exercise live longer, but what’s the point when those extra years are spent at the gym.

It’s been 70+ years, Tom. You’re never going to eat Jerry 🙂

Never make eye contact while eating a banana.

Laughing at your own texts before you send them because you are so damn funny.😂

Always wear cute pajamas to bed you’ll never know who you will meet in your dreams.

Checking your symptoms on Google and accepting that fact that you’re going to die.

Flirtationship: More than a friendship and less than a relationship.

If College has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking 🙂

I love my job only when I’m on vacation…

Respect my phone.

I am looking for my heart, can I check your brassier?

Save water, bath together.

I used to be cool headed, look at what global warming did.

Marriage is the reason for divorce, please argue in your house.

Admit it, you listen to passengers talking in the train and wished you could join them, you nosy bitch. lol

I want to take special time out to thank Google, she has been so helpful in answering live most tasking queries.

Girls will pay more attention to their looks, not their character, because boys will look at them and not their mind.

I need a girl that will love me for who I am, not how much I am worth.😂

Only fools fall in love, the originator of this saying, is a fool too.

Husband: sweetheart I have had a change of heart. Wife: this is the 199th time.

Sometimes I enjoy other peoples wife, shit I meant wifi.

Is there a bank that can give me a lone, and leave me alone?

I am just good, with food, wife and sleep, replace the “e” in wife with ‘’I’’

I have six pack, yeah, six packs of cigarette.

funny status recent for insta

Time waits for no one, but when you remove the battery, you have all the time in the world.

The 3days of the weekend are always the shortest, we need to add Monday.😂

It’s not illegal, until you get caught.

Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my Facebook Status?

Who needs television when there is so much drama on Facebook.

I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.

Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.😂

In Modern Politics, Even The Leader Of The Free World Needs Help From The Sultan Of Facebookistan!

Girls are amazing creature, when you ask them their age, they will lie, but when you forget their birthday, you are finished.

God made man, and gave man life, then china came along,😂

Being soaked alone is cold. Being soaked with your best friend is an adventure.

Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing. LOL

C.L.A.S.S- come late and start sleeping 🙂

My biggest concern in life is actually how my online friends can be informed of my death!

Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.

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